The Three Pillars
Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, these are the ingredients of self-compassion.
Self-Kindness
Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
Common Humanity
Recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience—something that we all go through, rather than something that happens to "me" alone.
Mindfulness
Observing our thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.
The Internal Voice Transformer
Practice shifting from your "Inner Critic" to your "Inner Friend."
The Inner Critic says:
"I'm such an idiot for making that mistake. Everyone will think I'm incompetent."
Acknowledge the moment
Say: "This is a moment of suffering" or "This is really hard right now."
Connect to others
Say: "Suffering is a part of life" or "I am not alone in feeling this way."
Offer yourself kindness
Say: "May I be kind to myself" or "May I give myself the compassion I need."
The 2-Minute Break
When you are in a "shame spiral" or feeling overwhelmed, pause and run through these three steps. It shifts your physiology from threat to safety.
Supportive Touch
Did you know that physical touch releases oxytocin, even when it comes from yourself? When you feel distressed, try placing a hand over your heart or giving yourself a gentle hug.